“Maaaarc!” I called from the shower.
No answer.
“Marc? Marc? Marc! Are you out there?”
He didn’t arrive to rescue me. Just as I began to debate the merits of exiting the shower to retrieve a bar of soap from the closet, I heard someone enter my bathroom.
“Marc?”
“No, it’s me,” a voice replied.
“Me, who?” I asked.
“Me, Ari,” he replied.
“Do you know where Mommy keeps the bars of soap in the linen closet?” I asked.
“Yup,” he replied.
“Can you reach the drawer, grab a bar of soap, and hand it to me?” I asked.
“I can reach,” he said as I imagined him standing on his tippy toes.
I heard Ari retrieve the plastic drawer from the linen closet and place it on the vanity.
“Green or blue?” Ari asked.
“Green or blue, what?” I replied.
“Do you want a green or blue soap bar?” Ari asked.
“Surprise me,” I said.
A few too many beats passed.
“Why don’t you hand it into to me?” I said extending my arm out of the shower.
“I’m unwrapping it,” he replied indignantly.
“Okay, I’ll wait.”
As I waited for Ari to unwrap the bar, he began a line of questioning I was unprepared for. “When I can use a bar of soap?”
“Why would you want to do that?” I asked him. “You use body wash.”
“But I wanna use a bar of soap,” he replied.
“You really don’t,” I said.
“Why not?” he asked.
Tell me you’re old without saying you’re old, I thought. Instead I replied, “It’s just not youthful. Bar soap is for older people like me and Daddy who can’t break the habit of using what we grew up with. You and Isabelle use body wash. Be young. Use body wash!”
“But I want to try using soap,” he said.
“You can try it, but it takes a lot more coordination with the soap bar and the washcloth. With your body wash, you can just pump it right into your washcloth. Easy-peasy.”
He must’ve rolled his eyes at me because the next thing I heard was, “I got your soap unwrapped.”
I reached out my arm, grabbed the green soap bar, and thanked Ari for saving me. A moment later, I realized just how set in my ways I must be since I didn’t even realize there was a massive bottle of body wash — that belongs to one of my kids — in the shower. Weird.
Raising Literate Humans 
Totally weird but humorous. Excellent dialogue that came to life and made something so mundane, exciting.
I kept asking myself, “should I write about this?” I mean, it’s strangely boring. Yet, I wanted to remember the convo so I went for it.
I’m so glad you did.😊
So funny! I didn’t know where this was going but I’m glad he safely delivered the bar of soap. I switched to body wash when those cool mesh body wash things (not cloths not sponges) came out. It really is easy peasy.
I think those are called poufs, but I’m not 100% sure. 🙂
The interaction between you and Ari is great. And I have honestly never thought of bar soap vs body wash as an age thing, but now I will. In our house, however, Eric looooves fancy soaps (the handmade ones) and often gets them as gifts – so we’re pretty much all bar soap people. 🙂
I don’t know where I got this notion from. I feel like I must’ve read it in some magazine and internalized it. Ha!
Back in the day (this is waaaaay back… more than 20 years ago!), when I was an assistant beauty editor I remember getting Floris soaps with a press release. They were so impressive. If Eric is a soap guy, then you should check them out: https://us.florislondon.com/collections/bath-and-body/soap.
I love this conversation, along with the irritation of being stuck, held prisoner in the shower while you were at Ari’s mercy over a bar of soap. And to see that you had a bottle of body wash to book? PRICELESS.
And I, for one, am a fellow bar-of-soap user. My preference is the Trader Joe’s Lemon Verbena. Which reminds me. I’m down to a nub in my own soap dish! Better get on that…
We’ve had more conversations around soap in our house — in the past week — than ever before! Ha!
Hope you found another bar at home!
I like handmade soap bought at the farmer’s market. The rest of the family uses body wash, which I sometimes use too.
I love how you’ve captured this conversation! Ari to the rescue.
To be rescued by a five-year-old… it happens semi-frequently
What a fun conversation to capture and remember! I can picture the puzzled looks on Ari’s face as he tries to understand why he doesn’t really want to use bar soap when he really does want to use bar soap. And then the ending–too funny!
I’m sure it made no sense to him!
I chuckled when I read your last paragraph. I also chuckle when I read “Be young. Use body wash!”. This might make a good commercial slogan.
If only I could get a soap company to pay for me for that catch phrase!