“I don’t want roast chicken for dinner,” Ari whined. “Why do you have to make roast chicken?”
“Huh?” I asked.
The complaining continued, “Why can’t you make buttermilk brined chicken?”
“I am making buttermilk brined chicken,” I replied.
“But you told Mrs. Paul you were making roast chicken tonight,” Ari retorted.
“Yes, because I am roasting a chicken. I was making small talk while you were getting into our car. Did I really need to get into the kind of chicken I was roasting when there were 30+ cars behind me?”
“I guess not,” Ari muttered.
Isabelle is our family’s complainer-in-chief, but Ari is a runner-up. He jumps right in if she’s unable to complain about something.
You can imagine that I had HAD it with complaints once Isabelle opened the fire hydrant on her complaints at dinnertime with, “It’s steaming hot!” about the chicken on her plate.
“That’s it!” I said. I opened a drawer, retrieved a notebook, and declared, “I’m writing down everything you complain about tonight at dinnertime… starting with that!”
Over the next ten minutes, I spent more time scribing than eating. But I was trying to prove a point, so I kept at it, rolling my eyes at Marc occasionally.
“Who’s winning?” Ari asked.
I counted. “You’re tied with Isabelle, five to five.”
Wanting to take the lead, Isabelle said, “I don’t like my blood type!”
“That’s not a real complaint!” I declared. “I refuse to write that down.”
Of course, the kids started complaining about ridiculous things. Leave it to Marc to stop it by saying, “My water could have a little more flavoring in it.” (That was a dig towards Isabelle, who sets the table and gets the drinks at night.)
“Now, it’s five, five, and one,” I replied.
“You’re winning,” Ari told me.
Am I? I wondered. I fight so hard to make sure we eat dinner together virtually every night. This is the thanks I get!
In the end, Isabelle edged Ari out for the most complaints at dinnertime. Ultimately, I guess I won since I found something to write about.
Raising Literate Humans 
Stacey, what I really want to know is how many complaints you tallied complaining about the kids complaining? 😉 I’d also like to know why Isabelle doesn’t like her blood type. Mine is A negative, so I worry about shortages should I ever need a transfusion.
Oh, she doesn’t even know what it is. She was just complaining just to complain! 🙂
Gotta admit Isabelle’s complaint is funny!
I agree! It lightened the dinner.
I could easily make a list any day if the week. Fabulous idea. I will be borrowing!
Last weekend, her complaints were out of control on Saturday. Therefore, we told her we’d keep a tally on a sticky note every time she complained on Sunday. While she logged 37 tally marks on Sunday, we think it would’ve been higher, but she saw just how many times she complained about something. So, maybe go with tally marks first since it’s a lot less writing.
GOOD LUCK!
I feel you on this. ALL MOMS FEEL the whiner diner at their tables and those kids are lucky we love them so damn much some nights! However this slice had me in stitches. I mean, what a way to deal with the problem. So many snaps to you for not losing your cool. It became a game then? I LOVE IT. I don’t like my blood type – bahahahahaha! Your husband with the flavorless water dig to your girl, so, so great.
I thought his complaint was so perfect! It was well-timed and on-brand with the ridiculous complaints they were making.
Sounds like in spite of it all, you kept your sense of humor!
This was too entertaining to read! Thank you for this, haha. I’m curious what the boring music complaint is about. This is also a brilliant idea for a writing prompt—write up a tally of complaints!
“How is that a complaint?” lol. Great idea to scribe, of you share this with them curious how they’ll respond! 🙂
I am pretty sure complaint list poetry is a thing. 😉
I had no idea about this until you mentioned it and I googled it. I see a complaint poem about the complaining in my future!
This happens at my house sometimes too. It makes me crazy! I tell them they are welcome to make the next meal. Maybe tonight I’ll write it down.
I recently read Taste by Stanley Tucci. His mother cooked elaborate, delicious meals when he was a kid. If him or his siblings complained, she told them to go out in the neighborhood to find something better. They never did since they knew how good they had it. Therefore, I borrowed that line after reading Tucci’s book. Thankfully, the kids did what Stanley and his siblings did… they stopped complaining. Could you imagine if one left the house for a better dinner?!
This is hilarious and a great way to start my day! Thank you.
I like the badge of honor: “the family’s complainer in chief”. Your notetaking transported us all to your dinner table with you. Maybe less complaints tonight??
Let’s hope! We have family coming over and I would prefer a peaceful dinner.
Glad to hear you kept your sense of humor! Bonus points to Marc too!
Once she said that she doesn’t like her blood type, I would not have been able to continue writing the list due to laughter. This will be a great story to share with her when she gets older. I am so glad you captured the moment.
It was SO ridiculous!
She completed the Classroom SOLSC last year, so she knows what this is all about. Isabelle was shocked when I told her I used last night’s complaint sheet as my slice for the day. She knows anything that happens is fair game. So, maybe she’ll complain less this month…
I thoroughly enjoyed this post! I remember my kids responding in a similar way to anything with zucchini in it. So, I decided to make zucchini bread, calling it cake. I then left the recipe on the counter, on purpose. My children thanked me for making cake rather than “that.”
Ari will eat zucchini noodles, but Isabelle would rather starve if they’re presented as a vegetable. Thankfully, they both eat and enjoy zucchini bread when I make it in the late summertime.
Your family is so lucky to have you cook for them every night! I’m a terrible cook, and Brinton loves cooking. Still, there are a lot of nights with pasta with sauce from a jar (thank goodness for Raos), and salad on the side!
Rao’s makes a delicious sauce so there’s nothing wrong with pasta topped in Rao’s and a side salad!
Stacey, I love how you bring your children’s complaints to life in your post and how you handled your children’s complaints. I think making them a bit more aware of what they’re doing is exceptional. Very fun read! Thank you!
Everything is fair game when it comes to slicing in March! I love the complaints (although glad I didn’t have to listen to them LOL) and they definitely made for an entertaining slice!
As I told Isabelle, this is a funny slice for everyone except for the adults who lived in it.
Your title says it all! Hopefully, you have not inspired an ongoing frenzy of competitive complaining.
Way to turn an it-could-be-a-disaster dinner into a slice! I need to do this with my mother! She complains about everything!
I love this thing I just noticed about wordpress today. At the end of your post, it suggested other post you’d written about roast chicken. So fun.